GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
