dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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