Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
