dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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