You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
