So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
