I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
