Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
