there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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