i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
