Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
