I cockslap morals
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
