i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
