this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
