i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
