I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
