Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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