Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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