i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
