in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
