Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize