Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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