my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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