it was like his penis was on wheels.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
