There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
they're like a gay fantastic four
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
