I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
