I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
they're like a gay fantastic four
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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