Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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