i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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