just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
