She is in my trunk
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
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