The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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