I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
