Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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