Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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