I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
