ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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