I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
