I love black thongs
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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