I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
