There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
