just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
