Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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