Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
