My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
