Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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