capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize