I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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