If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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