grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
