Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
