he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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