you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize