I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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