You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
