Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
