youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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