I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
