I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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