I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
