Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just made out with a guy for $7.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
