I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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