I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
